Evening Comics Lampoon Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Immigration Program
TV's top hosts used their broadcast mocking former President Donald Trump's recently announced immigration program, dubbed the "golden visa," characterizing it as a blatant pay-to-play scheme for the affluent.
Stephen Colbert's Pointed Analysis
Kicking off his program, Stephen Colbert delivered a sardonic holiday tune about the commander-in-chief. "He's compiling a list, reviewing it twice, and then handing that list to the officials at ICE," he intoned. "Trump ... destroys all he handles."
The focus was the new program that allows overseas nationals to buy U.S. residence for the price of one million dollars, with a "platinum" version for 5 million. An official page pledges approval "in record time."
"One thought here to wealthy immigrants: prior to you pony up, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert joked.
He pointed out that the program is also intended to "get cash" from firms wanting to hire foreign workers, involving significant fees. "That's a lot of fees, though if you sign up, you additionally get free accommodation at a property of your choice – if it's the a specific Marriott," he added.
"The most thorough background check the government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these people truly are eligible to be in America."
"That's important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"
Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Roast
On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."
"Here's a card that will permit affluent overseas citizens to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get official resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your selection."
"Maybe it's time to change that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your poor masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.
Kimmel mocked the simplicity of the form, observing it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."
"Indeed, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."
Seth Meyers discussing Affordability Struggles
On another network, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's plunging poll ratings during economic worries. "The public gave Donald Trump a another term since they were angry about the economy," he said.
This week, in a attempt to address prices, Trump held a briefing in front of a selection of food items, where he reacted strangely to boxes of cereal.
"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."
"He is so incredibly weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"
Meyers finished by criticizing right-leaning media defenses of Trump's economic performance. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like what FIFA did," he joked.
